


"I'm Fine."

by CreativeHowl



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Anyways, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Turn It Off is literally the premise of the fic though so, and every elder knows this, and not in the good way, and this isnt even the first time, but it doesnt go anywhere really, change my mind, connor doesnt even try to confront him for a while, connor is worried about kevin, i got off track, is it still a reference if it drives the plot?, its still the beginning of their relationship so they are still figuring things out, kevin has a bad habit of saying that hes fine when hes obviously not, kinda a bit of smut at the beginning, no kevin is a top, not-so-sly refrences to Turn It Off and Tomorrow is a Latter Day, so basically kevin is fucked, this all happens when connor is kissing him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeHowl/pseuds/CreativeHowl
Summary: It wasn't the first time Connor and Kevin had kissed. They had shared many taboo moments together, and went full-on constant make-out mode as soon as gays were accepted in the Book of Arnold. They kissed so much, in fact, that they were starting to annoy the other Elders.Connor had no idea that Kevin was still unhappy. Very, very unhappy.





	"I'm Fine."

Connor's hands are everywhere once the door was closed; getting onto the bed and pulling Kevin up to straddle him as they kiss like no tomorrow. His hands are in Kevin's hair, on Kevin's ass, cupping his cheek, and for a moment, all he could think of was _Kevin, Kevin, Kevin._

If practice made perfect, than these makeout sessions between the two Mormon boys were absolutely and utterly perfect. Connor wouldn't disagree to that notion, and neither would Kevin. They loved the feeling of lip-on-lip, and the slight rubbing of crotches just before anything would get too heated.

They've had sex before, too. They weren't new to that either, though it was a much rarer occasion than kissing. It was still sloppy and laughably awkward, but to the point where it was adorable and still somehow hot. So Connor thought Kevin was pleased with this relationship. After all, he would never say anything felt wrong, or that he didn't like something, or that he wasn't feeling good. They continued kissing as he thought about this, realizing just how often Kevin would utter a single phrase. Two words. He decided to test his theory out, breaking the long and heated kiss to breathe. Just before Kevin could smash their lips back together, he pressed a finger to Kevin's soft lips, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"How are you feeling?"

Kevin almost laughs. "This isn't the time for your fatherly pep talks." He pulled Connor closer by the collar of his shirt, breath warm as he whispered "I want you. _Now_." Connor only smirks, persistent.

"So you're liking this?"

"Of course I'm liking this, Con, why do you ask?" Kevin's face of seductive want fell, now turning into something new. Something Connor didn't recognize. Like a look of guilt, mixed with self-pity and confusion all at the same time.

Wordlessly, the two knew they'd have to put a raincheck on this night.

"Are you okay?" Connor asked, taking Kevin's hands and holding them away from his own shirt.

"I'm fine."

There were the two words. Either this was just something he said often and Connor was unsurprisingly thinking too much, or it was a bad habit of covering something up. He tried again.

"Are you okay?"

Hesitance. Brief hesitance that Kevin himself barely noticed, but Connor knew meant something. "I'm fine."

Connor felt Kevin's hands grow ever-so-slightly shaky in his own.

"Kevin Price. _Are you okay_?"

A long, long silence. That was surely a 'no' if Connor ever heard one. Then, something very unexpected happened. _Kevin shed a tear_.

Ever since Arnold and Kevin arrived in Uganda, Kevin had this confident air to him. A sort of adorable arrogance that made McKinley furious and giddy at the very same time. As time went on, Kevin let up a small bit. He broke minor rules, he went out at night on dangerous missions, but even when he hit rock bottom, he never cried. He kept working. But now, the confident and suave Elder Kevin Price was sitting on top of Connor, clutching his hands for dear life, and full-on sobbing. Connor didn't know how to feel, at first. He didn't know if he should hug hum or let his be, or pat his back, or kiss him, or anything. He was completely clueless. Speechless. Good thing Kevin was the first to talk.

"I l-love you" he shivered and whimpered, trying to desperately calm himself. Hold onto the ground. Stop crying.

"I love you too, Kevin. Is this something you want to talk about?"

"No" he replied. Connor's kind smile of attempted reassurance fell, but the brunette wasn't done talking. "But I think we should."

That was a...different response. Kevin got off of Connor and sat next to him, clutching to his chest and sniffling softly.

"What's bothering you, Kevin?"

McKinley quite honestly felt his heart snap in two as he heard Kevin gently utter the word "us".

"O-oh" Connor's eyes widened, broken heart sinking to his feet as he was, yet again, at a loss for words.

"Not like that, Con, please...stop thinking" Kevin allowed himself a tiny chuckle. "It's not you, it's me."

"You're breaking up with me?!" Connor shrieked at the cliche, one-meaning phrase. At least, he thought it only had one meaning.

"No!" Kevin cried. Why was he so terrible at communicating? "Connor, I'm gay!"

Connor blinked a couple times. "I know. I am too. We're both gay. Together. What's your point?"

Kevin sighed. "I don't _want_ to be gay."

"You don't?"

"No, I do. But I _don't_."

"Kevin, you are not making this easy for me to understand" Connor rolled his eyes. Those words somehow turned Kevin from the flustered and sorrowful soul he was at the moment to a boy who wore a strangely warm smile with the next thing he said.

"I'm gay, Connor. Gay and a failure. I failed at turning it off" Kevin smiled sadly, crying again. Connor's eyes widened in a sort of shock-filled rage.

He thought he'd never hear those words again.

He thought he was through with turning it off.

The anger in his eyes quickly turned to panic. He did this to Kevin.  _He_ was the reason he was crying.  _He_ was the reason Kevin was unhappy with their relationship. In a way, this hurt him more than any possible breakup ever.

"Do not turn it off. Ever. Shit, Kevin, I...I didn't realize that one night had such an impact on you. I didn't know my advice would...would..." Now they were both crying. Great. Suddenly, Kevin turned Connor's head to look him straight in the eyes.

"I love you."

"Kevin, I..." Connor protested, still stuck in the past.

"No. Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"And I love you" he prompted.

"I guess..?"

"That hasn't changed, has it?" Kevin smiled.

"Not that I know of" Connor sighed. Kevin elbowed him playfully, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, come on!"

"Sorry" Connor finally smiled back.

As Connor held Kevin close, they quickly forgot about how heated and intense they were just a while ago. It was truly just Kevin Price and Connor McKinley, and their feelings. And that wasn't the last of their problems, mentally or others. But it was the first big step they took to work towards actually dancing, shouting, and letting all their feelings out.

Just before Kevin fell asleep, Connor mumbled a soft and firm "that damned light switch is broken. It's only ever 'on', and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon". He noticed a wider smile spread across Kevin's face as he replied with "me neither" and dozed off, feeling much more refreshed than any orgasm would grant him.


End file.
